After the Holidays: What Parts Might Be Asking For Now
The holidays are an exhausting time of year. From the mad rush of activities to getting everything done at work so you can enjoy your break, it seems more likely every year to end in overwhelm and disorientation as you return to your normal routine. It makes sense that you might be feeling relieved, exhausted, disappointed or, holding a mixed bag of emotions.
What makes this time even harder is how normalized it is for January to become focused on goals and resolutions for the next 365 days. Instead of focusing on productivity and outcomes, why not shift to reflection and intention? Thinking about your past year, what did you enjoy? What do you want more of? Thinking about the holidays, are there any things you wish you could change?
Why the Days After the Holidays Can Feel Tender
Whether your holidays are spent structured and organized or losing track of what day it is, you may be sorting through a well of emotion as your nervous system begins to adjust. You might notice that you’ve fallen into a familiar pattern or role when going to see your family and feeling frustrated that “it happened again.” Often, we don’t realize what is activating to our nervous systems in the moment because that is what’s helping us push through. It isn’t until we’re out of the situation that we have the time and space to reflect.
Emotional exhaustion, more “on air time” from our inner critic, longing for connection, grief and loss, as well as relief and guilt are some of the most common responses that I hear from clients during this period after the holidays. All of these feelings are valid and none of them mean you are selfish or a “bad person.”
Parts That May Be Showing Up Now
We all have parts of us that show up at certain times or in certain situations to help us exist. Think about your family, whether biological or chosen. You all have unique identities, roles you’re good at, and lived experiences. That’s exactly the same with the parts of you. And just like family, they can annoy us and frustrate us. Reflecting here on your parts is not about replaying what happened to find out what you should have done differently. It’s about understanding what your parts needed and recognizing that they work hard for a reason. When you notice that you’re struggling or feeling stuck in a pattern, it isn’t you. It’s protection from overwhelm, pain, or hurt.
Some parts that you may be noticing are:
Inner Critic
This part is telling you what you should or shouldn’t have done
It is hopeful that if you learn from the mistake, it won’t happen again
Exhausted Pleaser
This part worked so hard to ensure everything felt okay for everyone else over the holidays
It didn’t want anyone to be upset with you
Withdrawn Caretaker
This part avoids conflict and focuses on meeting others’ needs
It holds responsibility for others because it fears what might happen if no one else does
Giving These Parts Our Attention
Feeling those difficult emotions that might be coming up now that we’re past the holidays is not easy. It often brings up shame and guilt. I want to offer space from that shame by leaning into curiosity. Instead of thinking about what you should have done or blaming yourself for what you’re feeling right now, ask yourself:
“What was I needing?”
“What felt supportive? What felt draining?”
“What parts of me were activated? Where do I notice these parts in or around my body?”
If you’ve identified a part, take a moment to be with them. Acknowledge them and their efforts. And if it feels right, offer gratitude. You may ask them what’s needed from you right now. The purpose of this exercise is not to fix or change them, but to offer connection.
Looking Ahead (Without Pressure)
As you move into the weeks ahead, you don’t need to make sense of everything all at once. With the new year often comes the refrain, “New Year, New You.” Reflection doesn’t require resolution, and insight doesn’t have to lead to immediate change. Any small insights you gained from today’s reflection count and can inform future boundaries when you’re ready. Progress, however small, is still progress.
The parts of you that showed up during the holidays did so for a reason. They were trying to protect, connect, and help you get through. Offering them patience and compassion now can be a meaningful step toward rebuilding trust within yourself.
If it feels supportive, you might return to these questions over time when things feel familiar or activating:
What did I learn about my needs?
What do I want more of this year?
What might it look like to move forward with gentle curiosity instead of pressure?
Awareness of our parts, in and of itself, is a meaningful form of self-care. Gentleness toward yourself and your parts matters as you move into this new year.
